So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
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