I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Reggie can tackle my bush.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize