I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
