It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
