So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Just invented taco cereal.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
