I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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