Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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