So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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