woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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