Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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