i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
