When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
