right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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