I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
