Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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