Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
