erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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