I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
