I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
