Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
