textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
