i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
