I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
