Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
