U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
His hands were made for my vagina.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
