we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
