it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
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Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
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Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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