Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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