His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
