so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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