did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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