Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
