But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
