I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
