hotel room ftw
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
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My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
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I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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