it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
