morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
