Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize