its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
