Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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