I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
