He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
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I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
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Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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