...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
