I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
