If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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