I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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