he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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