A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
