So drunk, too bad you don't want this
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
