He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
