That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
