i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
