shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
