Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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