Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
