Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize