Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
