You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
