It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
