I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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