he thought i was a dude.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
