Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize