Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
We left the knife in your bed.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
