he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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