I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Did we literally take a cab across the street
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
