I think my fart just growled at me.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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