even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
