Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
