Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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